The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
