Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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