last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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