who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
