How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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