I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
