I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
