hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
