We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
