so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
