I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
