is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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