I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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