Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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