It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
