My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
