Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
