I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
honey bunches of taint.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
