one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
