mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
