Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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