Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
