i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
