I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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