plz talk dirty to me
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize