i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
How naked do you want me to be?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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