Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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