I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
