Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
