She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
