the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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