i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
