You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You took a bar mat shot.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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