i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
