and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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