So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
