i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
