Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize