shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
