How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
