you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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