She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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