Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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