I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
