I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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