I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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