my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
