oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
