oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
