she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
