Are we in a gay sports bar?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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