this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize