He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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