....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
