Kiss
Puke
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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