btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
