I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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