i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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