glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
