Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
