so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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