This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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