you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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