i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
