Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
