Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize