remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
