yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
