The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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