Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I cannot find my penis.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
