So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
