Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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