A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm too high and old for this...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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