i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
