your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
