Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I party with great urgency now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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