There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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