Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
