omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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