Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
do herpes really smell.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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