There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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