you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
do nipples grow back?
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