Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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