What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
