Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
