Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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