Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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