Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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