That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
