Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
