this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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