Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
