WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
