I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
