so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize