His pubic hair was longer than his dick
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have fence marks all over my body
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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