I am spending my child support on dildos
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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