i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
