im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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