Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
